This was an old blog that I had written and saved, but never got around to posting. I should update it and state that that relationship has come down in a crumbling heap of disappointment and continuous let downs, but for now I will save the sanctity of the message in hopes that in the future I will actually find someone who lives up to this inspirations of this post.
You know that point in your life where you've watched one too many staples commercials and you almost believe that the easy button exists. Well, I'm at that point in my life where I want that button, and everything thats associated with it. I want to be able to press a button and instantly get my PhD that I am striving so hard to get even though I haven't even (technically) completed my first class on my way to get it. I want a button that will instantly give me all the money I could possibly hope to ever need. I want a button that will give me that relationship that I want, the perfect kind. You know what I'm talking about, atleast you should if you're any normal american. Yeah, I know normal American is getting even harder to define now-a-days but just bare with me for this little portion of perfectness. Anyway, as I was saying, perfect relationship with all the trust in the world, all the love in the world, and the best intentions for that relationship to last. I want a button that will make all of my past change instantly to a pleasant memory never again to haunt my dreams. Except, as you all may very well be aware of, that button doesn't exist and I am betting it will never exist. So, you have to work your hardest on making them work on your own, except that the older I grow, the more it seems that everything is against those perfect dreams. I'm aware that I can not change my past, be it my child hood, or my trip to jail recently. All I can do with my past is learn from it and attempt never to make those mistakes again, whether it's not treating my children the same way, or never neglecting to pay a ticket, no matter how slanted it may seem. So, I can accept that my past won't change and that I've learned a valuable lesson. As for the college, it seems that every time I've made up my mind about going back, something hinders my progress. This time it was a trip to jail, last time it was my own procrastination, but I do see in my future, college, and I think it will be my near future, say January-ish. Maybe as my own birthday present to myself, so I'm not worrying too much about that because I've got plenty of good years ahead of me with plenty of opprotunity to learn and grow. Most recently, and what propelled me into this mood to right would be the subject of the perfect relationship. That seems to be an impossible notion, no matter how hard you tried to make it seem true. Something always happens to test that bond that you have made with your significant other. And sometimes that something wears away at you until it is in no way capable of being fixed. I have recently viewed my relationship as of late to be some what perfect, but as I have stated that is impossible. Now, on and off I have been with my girlfriend for close to two years. We've had our trouble, and a lot of it but it seemed that my going to jail was the final push in the right direction for us. Both seeming to realize that we need one another more than we previously thought. Things were going so well for a few weeks until tonight when something happened to shake me significantly. It made me realize how much emotional attachment I have in this relationship and it scares me because if it doesn't work out with us, then what will happen? I love her with all of my heart. After everything we've been through I would not choose to be with anyone else in the entire world, which is a frightening concept to most people, but not to me. I have no fear of commitment, atleast when it comes to her I don't, but it is sometimes difficult to really see if your other feels the same way. It's impossible to try to guess what is going on inside of her head. What she thinks about when she looks at you, what she sees when she looks in the future, will you be there with her? Will she be happy with you? I can tell you what I think about when I look at her, I think that it is too real to be true, that any moment I will wake up. She is my angel in a world full of demons. She is my guiding light through the shadows. I don't know what I would do with out her, which is why I try not to think about it. I guess I've been rambling for a while without making much sense, but all I really want to say is this. I love her and that will never change. I just hope it is the same for her. Well it's late and I'm not even making much sense to me, so I'm going to go lay down and let the thoughts swirl. Later.
You know that point in your life where you've watched one too many staples commercials and you almost believe that the easy button exists. Well, I'm at that point in my life where I want that button, and everything thats associated with it. I want to be able to press a button and instantly get my PhD that I am striving so hard to get even though I haven't even (technically) completed my first class on my way to get it. I want a button that will instantly give me all the money I could possibly hope to ever need. I want a button that will give me that relationship that I want, the perfect kind. You know what I'm talking about, atleast you should if you're any normal american. Yeah, I know normal American is getting even harder to define now-a-days but just bare with me for this little portion of perfectness. Anyway, as I was saying, perfect relationship with all the trust in the world, all the love in the world, and the best intentions for that relationship to last. I want a button that will make all of my past change instantly to a pleasant memory never again to haunt my dreams. Except, as you all may very well be aware of, that button doesn't exist and I am betting it will never exist. So, you have to work your hardest on making them work on your own, except that the older I grow, the more it seems that everything is against those perfect dreams. I'm aware that I can not change my past, be it my child hood, or my trip to jail recently. All I can do with my past is learn from it and attempt never to make those mistakes again, whether it's not treating my children the same way, or never neglecting to pay a ticket, no matter how slanted it may seem. So, I can accept that my past won't change and that I've learned a valuable lesson. As for the college, it seems that every time I've made up my mind about going back, something hinders my progress. This time it was a trip to jail, last time it was my own procrastination, but I do see in my future, college, and I think it will be my near future, say January-ish. Maybe as my own birthday present to myself, so I'm not worrying too much about that because I've got plenty of good years ahead of me with plenty of opprotunity to learn and grow. Most recently, and what propelled me into this mood to right would be the subject of the perfect relationship. That seems to be an impossible notion, no matter how hard you tried to make it seem true. Something always happens to test that bond that you have made with your significant other. And sometimes that something wears away at you until it is in no way capable of being fixed. I have recently viewed my relationship as of late to be some what perfect, but as I have stated that is impossible. Now, on and off I have been with my girlfriend for close to two years. We've had our trouble, and a lot of it but it seemed that my going to jail was the final push in the right direction for us. Both seeming to realize that we need one another more than we previously thought. Things were going so well for a few weeks until tonight when something happened to shake me significantly. It made me realize how much emotional attachment I have in this relationship and it scares me because if it doesn't work out with us, then what will happen? I love her with all of my heart. After everything we've been through I would not choose to be with anyone else in the entire world, which is a frightening concept to most people, but not to me. I have no fear of commitment, atleast when it comes to her I don't, but it is sometimes difficult to really see if your other feels the same way. It's impossible to try to guess what is going on inside of her head. What she thinks about when she looks at you, what she sees when she looks in the future, will you be there with her? Will she be happy with you? I can tell you what I think about when I look at her, I think that it is too real to be true, that any moment I will wake up. She is my angel in a world full of demons. She is my guiding light through the shadows. I don't know what I would do with out her, which is why I try not to think about it. I guess I've been rambling for a while without making much sense, but all I really want to say is this. I love her and that will never change. I just hope it is the same for her. Well it's late and I'm not even making much sense to me, so I'm going to go lay down and let the thoughts swirl. Later.
2 comments:
hahaha, is she your island in an ocean of diarrhea? Sorry.
Anyways, that post was way too long ....and maybe that's what went wrong. You gave her too much value and had expectations she might not have accepted. You're not dissappointed in a broken car until it does something other than what you expect it to do. i.e. run properly.Expectations and content are the # 1 killer in 'loving relationships'.True Story. Read it in my marriage class.
Think about it.
I want an easy button too.
I've always wanted one. I just didn't realize it until I saw the Staples ad.
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