So, this doesn't really have anything to do with anything, but it happens to be one of my favorite quotes.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
So, I've been doing a lot of growing up recently, trying to be independent and preparing myself for the long journey that is known as ''A Responsible Adult". It's going to be a tough journey for me because I do not have a lot of practice at it. What I do have practice at is making miserable decisions, and getting in trouble. I've just lost the person I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I'm not going to whine or cry about it because it was just as much my fault as it was hers. It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would, but it still hurts. In the morning when I wake up and check my phone, and realize there's no text from her. I'm getting used to that, but once again it's going to be a slow process.
I went to jail a few months ago for failure to pay off a massive quantity of tickets. I know it was my mistake and jail was an experience to say the least. I don't wish to ever relive that. It wasn't tough, it's just the thought of waking up day after day without being able to talk to your loved ones. I believe that's the hardest part about it. I was some what happy while I was in because I thought my record would finally be clean. I was mistaken but I wouldn't find that out until later. My main worries were that when I got out, I wouldn't have a job, which I still did, and I wouldn't have a place to stay, which I still did. Aren't friends the BEST in the world, Always there when you need them. Well, I got out a month later to find out that I had another four warrants out totaling 1100 dollars. YAY! All because I didn't go to court for those tickets. Except, I was supposed to go to court for those while I was still in jail. So, once again screwed by the system.
I have a new job that is quite possible the best job I've ever had. I work at Weber Aircraft in Gainesville. We build seats for airplanes. Yeah, not the most luxurious job. I'm not going to save someones life, or change their outlook on anything, but it's a good honest job. I have met plenty of friends up there that are awesome. I'm learning a lot being there. I'm a mechanic on our line, so I just fix the problems everyone else screws up. Which seems to be a lot, but hey, we're only human. I hope.
My car is in the impound, not good. I can't afford to get it out, thanks again to jail. They wouldn't let anyone get it out except me and seeing as I was in jail that wasn't possible. So by the time I was out of jail the bail as it were, for my car was astronomical. WOOT WOOT! So, now I'm still paying on a car I do not possess and the fees just continue to incur on my poor car. A buddy at work has hooked me up with a '91 Blazer. 200 Dollars, I couldn't turn it down.
Back to this growing up thing, now that I have caught people up on the past year. I have started to pay off all my past debts, which seem to be even more numerous than I was aware of. It's going to be a long slow road, but a road I'm going to be proud of standing at the end of and saying, I have just accomplished this. I have enrolled for the Spring semester at the local community college. I still have my goal of becoming a Psychologist. It seems that in these times that is what we need most. People who care selflessly about other people. It's going to be another long journey but I am certain that I can accomplish this one as well.
Well, that's all I have for now. I will start writing more after I have gotten the hang of it again. I have missed this. Later.
So, I've been doing a lot of growing up recently, trying to be independent and preparing myself for the long journey that is known as ''A Responsible Adult". It's going to be a tough journey for me because I do not have a lot of practice at it. What I do have practice at is making miserable decisions, and getting in trouble. I've just lost the person I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I'm not going to whine or cry about it because it was just as much my fault as it was hers. It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would, but it still hurts. In the morning when I wake up and check my phone, and realize there's no text from her. I'm getting used to that, but once again it's going to be a slow process.
I went to jail a few months ago for failure to pay off a massive quantity of tickets. I know it was my mistake and jail was an experience to say the least. I don't wish to ever relive that. It wasn't tough, it's just the thought of waking up day after day without being able to talk to your loved ones. I believe that's the hardest part about it. I was some what happy while I was in because I thought my record would finally be clean. I was mistaken but I wouldn't find that out until later. My main worries were that when I got out, I wouldn't have a job, which I still did, and I wouldn't have a place to stay, which I still did. Aren't friends the BEST in the world, Always there when you need them. Well, I got out a month later to find out that I had another four warrants out totaling 1100 dollars. YAY! All because I didn't go to court for those tickets. Except, I was supposed to go to court for those while I was still in jail. So, once again screwed by the system.
I have a new job that is quite possible the best job I've ever had. I work at Weber Aircraft in Gainesville. We build seats for airplanes. Yeah, not the most luxurious job. I'm not going to save someones life, or change their outlook on anything, but it's a good honest job. I have met plenty of friends up there that are awesome. I'm learning a lot being there. I'm a mechanic on our line, so I just fix the problems everyone else screws up. Which seems to be a lot, but hey, we're only human. I hope.
My car is in the impound, not good. I can't afford to get it out, thanks again to jail. They wouldn't let anyone get it out except me and seeing as I was in jail that wasn't possible. So by the time I was out of jail the bail as it were, for my car was astronomical. WOOT WOOT! So, now I'm still paying on a car I do not possess and the fees just continue to incur on my poor car. A buddy at work has hooked me up with a '91 Blazer. 200 Dollars, I couldn't turn it down.
Back to this growing up thing, now that I have caught people up on the past year. I have started to pay off all my past debts, which seem to be even more numerous than I was aware of. It's going to be a long slow road, but a road I'm going to be proud of standing at the end of and saying, I have just accomplished this. I have enrolled for the Spring semester at the local community college. I still have my goal of becoming a Psychologist. It seems that in these times that is what we need most. People who care selflessly about other people. It's going to be another long journey but I am certain that I can accomplish this one as well.
Well, that's all I have for now. I will start writing more after I have gotten the hang of it again. I have missed this. Later.
1 comment:
I'm thinking the words "oh my god" won't even do my initial reaction justice. Once I decide I'll get back to you. In the mean time I would ask 'how are you' but, I feel that's too cliche for us and well I just read 'how you are doing'. So in certain respects congratulations , in others you have my blessing.
p.s. your writing has ALWAYS been far superior to mine, let's not kid ourselves.
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