Today I am not overwhelmed. Today I am not underwhelmed. Today I am just what I am and what I was always meant to be at this moment in my life.
I am not sure what it is that makes me reach out to the people in my past for assurances that the people in my future will not hurt me in the same way that they did.
I can not seem to place my finger on what it is that I'm so desperately trying to hold on to. Whether it is the fear that I will follow in my own footsteps that have left me so bruised and battered on the inside, or fear of the unknown. The fear that if I take a new path, one I have never been down before, my past experiences would repeat themselves. Maybe it is fear that I will find something so mind blowing and altering that I do not know how I would deal with it. I seem to have an affinity for staying away from things that will make me happy. I do not know what does it, or even why, but the choices I make always tend to lead me towards sadness. I make these choices even though I am conscience of what the outcome will be, for the most part.
So, at work the other day, I saw a co-worker wearing a shirt that simply stated, ''money can't buy you love.'' I responded with, it can't buy you poverty, either. Now that I have had time to think about it, that was a curious reply to an overly used idiom. Well, I believe it was a curious reply, but I was also the one who said it. In essence, you can not buy yourself poor. Now, what that has to do with anything, I can not say. Except for our slowly failing economy that I have heard so much talk about at work. Honestly, and I know this is not the most intelligent thing to say, but I do not care about our economy. The only thing that recent talk of it has done is piss me off even more. Ever single person whining about the present condition of our economy, and yet I do not see them doing a single thing to try and fix it. I can not stand hypocrites. It is starting to annoy me just writing about it so I am going to jump subjects.
Have you ever missed someone so much that just the smell of them sends an ocean of memories cascading through your brain. Almost like a brain freeze without the ice cream and you realize how much you miss them and how miserable you are. I find it amazing that one simple smell on a pair of my pants could tear down this wall I have built up around my heart, trying to keep the loneliness at bay. So, here I am, trying to rebuild my wall of solitude and reticence.
Anyway, this is all I have to talk about for now. Emotions are getting in the way of my lucid thought processes. I will leave with this though.
On my way to work this morning I saw the most intriguing bumper sticker. ''If going to church makes you a Christian, does going to the garage make you a car?"
I am not sure what it is that makes me reach out to the people in my past for assurances that the people in my future will not hurt me in the same way that they did.
I can not seem to place my finger on what it is that I'm so desperately trying to hold on to. Whether it is the fear that I will follow in my own footsteps that have left me so bruised and battered on the inside, or fear of the unknown. The fear that if I take a new path, one I have never been down before, my past experiences would repeat themselves. Maybe it is fear that I will find something so mind blowing and altering that I do not know how I would deal with it. I seem to have an affinity for staying away from things that will make me happy. I do not know what does it, or even why, but the choices I make always tend to lead me towards sadness. I make these choices even though I am conscience of what the outcome will be, for the most part.
So, at work the other day, I saw a co-worker wearing a shirt that simply stated, ''money can't buy you love.'' I responded with, it can't buy you poverty, either. Now that I have had time to think about it, that was a curious reply to an overly used idiom. Well, I believe it was a curious reply, but I was also the one who said it. In essence, you can not buy yourself poor. Now, what that has to do with anything, I can not say. Except for our slowly failing economy that I have heard so much talk about at work. Honestly, and I know this is not the most intelligent thing to say, but I do not care about our economy. The only thing that recent talk of it has done is piss me off even more. Ever single person whining about the present condition of our economy, and yet I do not see them doing a single thing to try and fix it. I can not stand hypocrites. It is starting to annoy me just writing about it so I am going to jump subjects.
Have you ever missed someone so much that just the smell of them sends an ocean of memories cascading through your brain. Almost like a brain freeze without the ice cream and you realize how much you miss them and how miserable you are. I find it amazing that one simple smell on a pair of my pants could tear down this wall I have built up around my heart, trying to keep the loneliness at bay. So, here I am, trying to rebuild my wall of solitude and reticence.
Anyway, this is all I have to talk about for now. Emotions are getting in the way of my lucid thought processes. I will leave with this though.
On my way to work this morning I saw the most intriguing bumper sticker. ''If going to church makes you a Christian, does going to the garage make you a car?"
1 comment:
**I enjoy this concept of just 'whelmed'. Reminds me of this kid named Tristen in my class who oddly gets a post later this month because he completely altered the way I view being 'ok'.
**I'm glad your still as perceptive as when I left. Money can't buy you poor. But, it can buy you false assurance of rich thusly equally poor.
**Going to church doesn't actually make you a christian at all. Why do you think there are so many converts and reverts in the world if they thought going to church was enough they'd still be going. duh.
**Scent is the strongest scence tied to memory. So what's mine?
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